He's a Stud, She's a Slut

chica

v2.0
"If you have a vagina, chances are someone has called you a slut at least once in your life. There's just no getting around it.

I remember the first time I heard the word "slut" -- I was in my fifth-grade science class. A certain little girl (terror) named Eleena had been making my life miserable all year in a way that only mean little girls can. She had turned all my girlfriends against me, spread rumors and the like. She walked up to me at my desk and said, "You called me a slut." I had absolutely no idea what the word meant. I just sat there, silently. She repeated herself: "You called me a slut, but you're the slut." I don't remember how long after that I found out exactly what "slut" meant, but I knew it had to be terrible and I knew I didn't want to be it.

Naturally, I'd be called a slut many times over later in life -- not unlike most girls. I was called a slut when my boobs grew faster than others'. I was called a slut when I had a boyfriend (even though we weren't having sex.) I was called a slut when I didn't have a boyfriend and kissed a random boy at a party. I was called a slut when I had the nerve to talk about sex. I was called a slut when I wore a bikini on a weekend trip with high school friends. It seems the word slut can be applied to any activity that doesn't include knitting, praying, or sitting perfectly still lest any sudden movements be deemed whorish.

Despite the ubiquity of "slut," where you won't hear it is in relation to men. Men can't be sluts. Sure, someone will occasionally call a guy "a dog," but men simply aren't judged like women are when it comes to sexuality. (And if they are, they're judged in a positive way!) Men who have a lot of sexual partners are studs, Casanovas, pimps, and players. Never sluts. In fact, when I just did a Google search for "male sluts," the first result I got was She Male Sluts DVD! I know, should have seen that coming. The point is, there isn't even a word -- let alone a concept -- to signify a male slut.

But it makes sense when you think about what the purpose of the word "slut" is: controlling women through shame and humiliation. Women's bodies are always the ones that are being vied over for control -- whether it's rape, reproductive rights, or violence against women, it's our bodies that are the battleground, not men's.

And if you don't think it's about control, consider this little bit of weirdness. The most recent incarnation of the sexual double standard being played out in a seriously creepy way is through Purity Balls. These promlike events basically have fathers take their daughters to a big fancy dance where they promise their daddy their virginity. Likewise, the father promises to be the "keeper" of his daughter's virginity until he decides to give it to her future husband. Where are the Purity Balls for men, you ask? Oh, they're there, but they're about controlling women too! Called Integrity Balls, these events focus on men not having sex because they'd be defiling someone else's "future wife"! Not because men need to be pure or be virgins -- but because they need to make sure women are virgins. Unbelievable, really.

Outside of the feminist implications of the sexual double standard, the slut/stud conundrum has always been my favorite because it just makes no sense logically. Why is a woman less of a person, or (my favorite) "dirty," because she has sex? (Heterosexual sex, that is; somehow lesbian sex isn't "real.") Does a penis have some bizarre dirtymaking power that I'm unaware of? Every time I have sex, do I lose a bit of my moral compass? "Sorry to mug you, Grandma, but I had sex twice this week!"

And let's face it -- the slut stigma isn't just dangerous to our "reputations" or to some weird-ass notion of purity. How many times has rape been discounted because a woman was deemed a slut? How many times are women called whores while their partners beat them? How often are women's sexual histories used against them in workplace harassment cases? The sexual double standard is a lot more dangerous than we'd like to think."


by Jessica Valenti.
 

Sir Alec

Anorak
Yeah that is one of the most messed up double standards in society EVER!
 

SNS22

Not Dead Yet
"If you have a vagina, chances are someone has called you a slut at least once in your life. There's just no getting around it.

I remember the first time I heard the word "slut" -- I was in my fifth-grade science class. A certain little girl (terror) named Eleena had been making my life miserable all year in a way that only mean little girls can. She had turned all my girlfriends against me, spread rumors and the like. She walked up to me at my desk and said, "You called me a slut." I had absolutely no idea what the word meant. I just sat there, silently. She repeated herself: "You called me a slut, but you're the slut." I don't remember how long after that I found out exactly what "slut" meant, but I knew it had to be terrible and I knew I didn't want to be it.

Naturally, I'd be called a slut many times over later in life -- not unlike most girls. I was called a slut when my boobs grew faster than others'. I was called a slut when I had a boyfriend (even though we weren't having sex.) I was called a slut when I didn't have a boyfriend and kissed a random boy at a party. I was called a slut when I had the nerve to talk about sex. I was called a slut when I wore a bikini on a weekend trip with high school friends. It seems the word slut can be applied to any activity that doesn't include knitting, praying, or sitting perfectly still lest any sudden movements be deemed whorish.

Despite the ubiquity of "slut," where you won't hear it is in relation to men. Men can't be sluts. Sure, someone will occasionally call a guy "a dog," but men simply aren't judged like women are when it comes to sexuality. (And if they are, they're judged in a positive way!) Men who have a lot of sexual partners are studs, Casanovas, pimps, and players. Never sluts. In fact, when I just did a Google search for "male sluts," the first result I got was She Male Sluts DVD! I know, should have seen that coming. The point is, there isn't even a word -- let alone a concept -- to signify a male slut.

But it makes sense when you think about what the purpose of the word "slut" is: controlling women through shame and humiliation. Women's bodies are always the ones that are being vied over for control -- whether it's rape, reproductive rights, or violence against women, it's our bodies that are the battleground, not men's.

And if you don't think it's about control, consider this little bit of weirdness. The most recent incarnation of the sexual double standard being played out in a seriously creepy way is through Purity Balls. These promlike events basically have fathers take their daughters to a big fancy dance where they promise their daddy their virginity. Likewise, the father promises to be the "keeper" of his daughter's virginity until he decides to give it to her future husband. Where are the Purity Balls for men, you ask? Oh, they're there, but they're about controlling women too! Called Integrity Balls, these events focus on men not having sex because they'd be defiling someone else's "future wife"! Not because men need to be pure or be virgins -- but because they need to make sure women are virgins. Unbelievable, really.

Outside of the feminist implications of the sexual double standard, the slut/stud conundrum has always been my favorite because it just makes no sense logically. Why is a woman less of a person, or (my favorite) "dirty," because she has sex? (Heterosexual sex, that is; somehow lesbian sex isn't "real.") Does a penis have some bizarre dirtymaking power that I'm unaware of? Every time I have sex, do I lose a bit of my moral compass? "Sorry to mug you, Grandma, but I had sex twice this week!"

And let's face it -- the slut stigma isn't just dangerous to our "reputations" or to some weird-ass notion of purity. How many times has rape been discounted because a woman was deemed a slut? How many times are women called whores while their partners beat them? How often are women's sexual histories used against them in workplace harassment cases? The sexual double standard is a lot more dangerous than we'd like to think."


by Jessica Valenti.

Men are sluts...they will have sex with just about anyone....Women are more selective.
 
I didn't read this whole blathering article, but I suspect that this double standard can be found in just about every culture in the world, and if that's the case, then there may be a biological reason for it. Males can often perpetuate their genes better by spreading them among multiple mates, whereas women increase their chances of their offspring's survival by nurturing those offspring and limiting sexual partners. This is not only because having multiple sexual partners can distract them from taking care of their offspring, but also because male chimpanzees and gorillas (our closest relatives) are known to kill their mates' offspring that was sired by another; perhaps human males did/would, too.

Please don't think that this is a rationalization of the behavior; I'm just sayin' that we tend to forget that our more "animal" nature has a way of expressing itself in ways that we, with our thousands of years of trying to suppress it via "culture," fail to notice.
 

Corrissey

lovable loser
There is a total double standard -there always will be, but men know it's wrong ;) And chica, aren't they called Man whores? Slut is just an insulting word, even if you're not one (and it doesn't take much to be called one--even showing a bit of cleavage :rolleyes:) It certainly does have 'dirty' and 'durrrty' connotations, but people know it's an effective putdown & use it.

An old bf of mine asked me how many men I had slept with before meeting him. So like a dummy, I thought about it (names :confused: :D lol) and gave him the number. It could have been one and that was too many. He flipped out :rolleyes: Although his number was twice as high, I got double the shit. :angry: And because we had sex early in our relationship, he assumed that's what I did with all the men I had met. (no... and I'M NOT A SLUT, people!!) He COULD NOT get past that. The best things about dating him...I was in fantastic shape and he 'taught' me the world of Elton John. Total fanatic.

Anyway, As even my husband says... "Just be happy you're f***ing her now". :)
 

chica

v2.0
I didn't read this whole blathering article, but I suspect that this double standard can be found in just about every culture in the world, and if that's the case, then there may be a biological reason for it. Males can often perpetuate their genes better by spreading them among multiple mates, whereas women increase their chances of their offspring's survival by nurturing those offspring and limiting sexual partners. This is not only because having multiple sexual partners can distract them from taking care of their offspring, but also because male chimpanzees and gorillas (our closest relatives) are known to kill their mates' offspring that was sired by another; perhaps human males did/would, too.

Please don't think that this is a rationalization of the behavior; I'm just sayin' that we tend to forget that our more "animal" nature has a way of expressing itself in ways that we, with our thousands of years of trying to suppress it via "culture," fail to notice.

Like R. Dawkins noticed, every time we use contraception we successfully fight against our genes' preference :) And it doesn't tear our soul, actually we're quite grateful for it. Nurture is by far more important than nature in shaping human behaviour. Not everyone would agree with that, though :rolleyes:
 

Worm

Taste the diffidence
Um. This is news? Don't we all have the same discussion, in almost exactly the same language, by the time we're 12? And this Jessica Valenti has written a book about this and others like it? "Gather 'round, girls! Boys run the show and they are far from fair!"

Does she explode the myth about a fat man in a red suit coming down the chimney on December 25, too?

One could float the idea that establishing schoolyard feminism actually bars casual readers from further exploring more sophisticated feminism, the same way that sitcom explanations for suburban life curtail any serious discussions about what's really going on or the commonly accepted fact that we all do jobs we don't really like prevents wider thinking about economics. Pop psychology, even when correct, has a nasty tendency to freeze into place as the only explanation for things.

That aside, I'm pleased to have read about Purity Balls. What a delicious, buttery term.

Purity Balls.

Purity Balls.
 

chica

v2.0
Um. This is news? Don't we all have the same discussion, in almost exactly the same language, by the time we're 12? And this Jessica Valenti has written a book about this and others like it? "Gather 'round, girls! Boys run the show and they are far from fair!"

Does she explode the myth about a fat man in a red suit coming down the chimney on December 25, too?

One could float the idea that establishing schoolyard feminism actually bars casual readers from further exploring more sophisticated feminism, the same way that sitcom explanations for suburban life curtail any serious discussions about what's really going on or the commonly accepted fact that we all do jobs we don't really like prevents wider thinking about economics. Pop psychology, even when correct, has a nasty tendency to freeze into place as the only explanation for things.

That aside, I'm pleased to have read about Purity Balls. What a delicious, buttery term.

Purity Balls.

Purity Balls.

She writes books about feminism for young girls, because apparently many of them do need to hear that they are not f***ed up, but society is (and its patriarchal norms) ;)
 
Like R. Dawkins noticed, every time we use contraception we successfully fight against our genes' preference :) And it doesn't tear our soul, actually we're quite grateful for it. Nurture is by far more important than nature in shaping human behaviour. Not everyone would agree with that, though :rolleyes:

And contraception isn't even as much of a crime against nature as abstinence is. :D
 

SNS22

Not Dead Yet
Is this positive sexism? You're wrong.

Okay, a girl walks up to a man and wants to have sex....

A man walks up to a woman and wants to have sex...

Who's more likely to say yes?
 

SNS22

Not Dead Yet
Am I on the wrong thread? :D Anyone else have sex stories? :confused: :p

p.s. I'm not telling my #

You have to give women a 3 Penis Curve...take the number of men they say they have slept with and multiply it by 3, and you'll have the actual number....

1=3
2=6
3=9
etc...

Men on the other hand, you need to divide by 5....

So if a man says he's slept with 5 women...chances are, he's only slept with one...

Sex According to Chris Rock.....
 
You have to give women a 3 Penis Curve...take the number of men they say they have slept with and multiply it by 3, and you'll have the actual number....

1=3
2=6
3=9
etc...

Men on the other hand, you need to divide by 5....

So if a man says he's slept with 5 women...chances are, he's only slept with one...

Sex According to Chris Rock.....

*does math in head*
 

chica

v2.0
Mrs. NRitH's # is several more than my own. :o

Of course, you're into computers :p

Someone will, someday. Don't worry. ;)

Ewwwwww :D

Back to the cultural issues: PROPERTY. The man has to know that the child is his, because he wants to leave his property to his heir. The only way to make sure he's the father is to create society in which it will be unacceptable for women to have sex with more than one man. Nature has nothing to do with it, chastity is a social construct.
 
Of course, you're into computers :p

pyzamohsnap.jpg


Back to the cultural issues: PROPERTY. The man has to know that the child is his, because he wants to leave his property to his heir.

Why the Marxist spin? Sometimes a cultural issue is just a cultural issue.

The only way to make sure he's the father is to create society in which it will be unacceptable for women to have sex with more than one man. Nature has nothing to do with it, chastity is a social construct.

That much is true. Why can't we all be like the bonobo?
 

Cassius

New Member
Okay, a girl walks up to a man and wants to have sex....

A man walks up to a woman and wants to have sex...

Who's more likely to say yes?

Women are more selective men, whoever this doesn't make men "sluts" by default. We'd never have monogamous marriage, then (even if it doesn't work out for half the people that try it).
 
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