Absence

Last year was very hard.Not only was the depression overwhelming but I also felt this enormous sense of emptiness.I felt like there was a huge void inside me,like there was nothing left at all.I felt very,very sad but at the same time I couldn`t feel anything at all. I started to get panic attacks at bedtime and I really didn`t know why.I really,really started to question why I should continue to live like that.Yes it was sadness and depression but it was also the absence of feeling that was making me ill.Nothing could bring me any pleasure or relief. I felt like an empty shell,like I was just taking up space. I also felt incredibly lonely.I didn`t really talk to anybody on how I was feeling.Yes I talked to the doctor and therapist but not really.I have difficulty expressing myself to other people when it comes to my feelings.So I felt even more isolated.I have a wonderful family but things like that are hard to share.I would like happiness and love like most people but perhaps things are meant to be like this and so they are.

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Tibby
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