Accepting It and Trying To Move On

I have my ok days and bad days.I have my ups and downs. I mostly try to keep it together.Though there are some days when it becomes more difficult than others.On those days I usually turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms that I am not proud of. They have left me scarred and marked for life.I`m so ashamed of these scars that I often find myself hiding or holding my arm a certain way.Long sleeves are out for right now because it is so hot here.They used to not bother me so much but now I really hate them.I used to think of them as sort of battle scars but now I mostly think they are ugly reminders of times I don`t want to remember.Be that as it may I don`t know if I`d want to get rid of them if I could.I suppose that would be like trying to erase your history.I know this sounds odd.But that`s kind of how I feel.I sometimes wonder why.Why some people suffer from this and other`s do not.I think sometimes that there has to be a reason.I don`t want to become bitter.That`s why I think there has to be reason for going through this. I think it can make you a bit more understanding of others and what they might be going through.But I do sometimes sink into those thoughts of why me.I suppose it`s human nature.Neither one of my sisters are ill so I wonder why me.But then I realize sometimes you have to accept things as they are and try to make the best of it.So I take the meds and listen to the doctors.It`s the best that I can do at this very moment.I just try my best to get by.