I Often Think About It

I keep trying.I feel like I`ve tried everything.This pill and that pill.Psychs and therapists.Everything short of ECT.One of my psychs once recommended it because he said "we`ve tried everything".See I told you I`ve tried everything.I didn`t take that recommendation though because ECT can really mess with your memory.I just get so freaking tired of everything being so hard.I can`t function like a normal adult human being.I`m really,really afraid for my future.I want to sort myself out and be able to take care of myself.I don`t think that`s asking much from life.I would like to be mainly happy and have some sort of stability.I`m afraid of what`s going to happen to me if this never get`s better. I don`t want to end up in some institution someday.

I often think about it.....Right now it feels like it would solve all of my problems.I wouldn`t have to worry about my future.No one would have to worry about me and my problems anymore.Maybe all the pain would be over and I would be in a better place.But that`s typical just me thinking about me and my problems.I love my family so much and I wonder how much it would hurt them.Maybe it would for a little while but then they wouldn`t have to worry about me and what`s going to happen to me anymore.Living like this really hurts at the moment.I don`t want to be sad and hurt anymore.

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Everyday is silent and grey~Morrissey~

Comments

1
It isn't worth it , Tibbs. It's an irreversible decision. As condescending as it sounds , things may improve in the future ( as unlikely as it seems). The passing of time could easily prove to be a blessing. Don't cash in all your chips at once ...
 
hand in glove
You're in my thoughts, Tibbs. I know you're tired, but please keep fighting. (Easier said than done, I know.) ♥
 
MozRecording
Came here to check on you and saw your post. Let us know if we can help with anything.
 
realitybites
Tibby, your family would never get over losing you. They would not be better off. They love you; they just feel powerless. You still have hope that one day things could be different. This is key. This is good. I do know it is possible to one day find yourself out of that dark well. I hope you see light soon. Hugs.
 
Tibby
Thank you all for your kind words and comments. They really mean a great deal to me.Again thanks so much.

Love,Tibbs
 

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Tibby
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