Isolation

I`ve been ill for many years now.I haven`t accomplished much of anything for the years I`ve been sick.When I became ill I had to drop out of school, so there went that.My sister`s have jobs and husbands and children and I have none of that. I`ve always felt so bad about myself that I never even tried to meet people. I`ve always had a real fear of rejection and being judged. I am/was afraid of people. Even though I have my family I feel very alone right now.

I can sometimes write about what I feel but I have quite a bit of difficulty expressing myself out loud.I don`t feel comfortable doing it. It`s hard for me just to have conversation with someone.I`m much more comfortable listening.I guess I`ve found other ways to express myself.Some of them were not healthy coping mechanisms.I would hurt myself to make myself feel better.It worked for a while in fact it worked for many years.It gave me a great sense of relief. Well....I haven`t done it quite a while.The last time I attempted to gain some relief by hurting myself ,it didn`t seem to work. I don`t know if I have stopped for good , I don`t know if I even can.All I know is that all it has left some ugly scars behind and has really accomplished nothing.

I do have many things to grateful for,my family for instance.I just can`t help feeling so sad and alone.

Comments

I just don't understand but want to. I feel helpless somewhat. You seem so conscious of it all and academically know exactly what is happening to you. But that knowledge doesn't change it for you.

I like that you have gratitude in the middle of your adversity. Because you really paint a picture and it's the one thing the reader can feel good for you about.

Take care
 
Hi No 1uno

Thank you for reading this.I think writing about this helps me let things out in a healthy way.I did not write anything for a time because I just felt so empty inside.I felt there wasn`t anything left inside of me anymore.I suppose letting things out a bit is a good thing.

Thanks Again,

Tibby
 
I identify with a lot of what you said just now, Tibby. I can't help but feel sad even though I have plenty to be grateful for. Maybe, like me, you get horrible attacks of loneliness / isolation? Attacks that are worse than what you already feel?

I used to live in terror of rejection. Now I don't much care any more. Getting out of school and all that mess helped a lot for me.... I wish I knew what would help for you... Reading what you wrote is similar to reading a journal entry, for me. That is, if I could stay disciplined enough to keep a journal.... Umm, I hope you can manage to stay busy? I find that helps enormously, even when - especially when - I find myself feeling empty.

Best,
S.
 
Thanks S.I also find that staying busy does help a little.

Yes I do get those sort of loneliness attacks that are worse than what goes on almost every day.I just keep trying,I guess.That`s about all I can do.Thanks again for your very kind reply.

Tibby
 

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