It Makes Me.....

I`m feeling very tired right now.I`m feeling like time is passing me by and I have nothing to show for it.And of course it`s all my fault.I was going to college when I first became ill.I never finished as a result of this.Therefore I`ve done absolutely nothing with my life.I`m just a loser taking up space in this world.I don`t have a significant other or children.I often feel a complete sense of nothingness.I don`t belong anywhere.I really,really hate myself.I don`t want a whole lot from life.I would like to feel a sense of purpose and I would like to contribute something useful and good to this world.I would like to make my family proud and stand on my own two feet.This ugly illness has taken that all from me.It makes me not want to get out of bed or leave the house.It makes me scared of people.It makes me isolate myself because I`m not good enough for anyone or anything.It makes me hate my crazy,stupid brain.It makes my own thoughts torture me.It makes me doubt myself at every turn.It makes me worthless and useless.It makes me really,really unhappy. I want to be happy and have peace in my heart and in my head. I don`t want this life....not like this.It hurts so much.It goes on and on with only moments that I can recall of a time before this darkness came over me.I don`t want to die or anything but this thing makes day to day life so f***ing hard sometimes.