My Skull Is Being Squeezed

I`m sitting here staring into the screen. I feel an absolute emptiness that makes my heart ache.I`m feeling numb and empty and afraid all at the same time.I`m so tired of being tormented by my own mind.When I am able to I try to do things to keep myself busy and sometimes that does help.Then comes the night and when it`s time to lie down and go to bed then come all those thoughts.Those thoughts consist of all of my worries and fears and they go on and on in a continuous loop.It`s sometimes better during the day.Maybe it`s because I have things that need tending to and that keeps me busy.Maybe it`s because I`m around my family.When the evening starts to set in that`s when my mood starts to get even lower.It`s weird and funny because I used to be such a night owl and that`s when I`d get lots of stuff done.

Anyway when I start to feel that way in the evening it`s really hard because I don`t know what to do about it.I`ve read stuff about how you can try to distract yourself from those thoughts but it`s really difficult to concentrate when you`re feeling that way.My former distraction does not feel like it`s an option anymore.Sure it feels better for a bit but those feelings always return and all your left with is an ugly reminder of what you`ve done to yourself.You`ve accomplished nothing by damaging yourself physically.You`re just a loser with a bunch of ugly scars.Sometimes writing these things out helps a bit.Like I do here.I guess it helps lighten the load somewhat.I also have music and sometimes that helps soothe me too.I just try to do the best with what I have.I know I have it better than lots of people.Even with this illness I try to keep that in mind.I try to be grateful for the good things in my life.I`d like to find some meaning in my life.

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Author
Tibby
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