You Will Never Let Me Go

I have not been doing too well.I am having trouble sleeping again.For a little while I was sleeping almost every day.Some nights I just can`t get my brain to turn off and this is after 45 mgs of mirtazipine and 1mg of lorazepam. I miss the f**cking seroquel that one really makes you sleep. I miss that kind of dead to the world sleep.I least I didn`t have to think you know. I`m also tired of fighting the urge to cut.I`ve really been trying to avoid cutting myself.The night before last I just said f**ck it and did it.Was it worth it to feel some relief to release the darkness inside for at least a moment?The short answer is yes the long one is I don`t know.Is it worth the ugly scars that will form now?In that moment it was yes.I am really struggling right now.I try not to show it on the outside.I`ll smile and say yes I`m ok but I`m not really.I want to scream,I want to scream so loud for you to go away and leave me alone but you won`t.I feel like you`ll never release me.You`ll never,ever let me go and I`m afraid. You`ll wrap me up in chains and scream into my head and you won`t let me sleep or have any peace.You`ll never ever,ever leave me.I`m so scared you`ll be with me forever.

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Tibby
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