ALERT! HA HA.
I shoot hoops with Sammy so got my hands on the New Interview. I know you guys can't wait OR CAN YOU? HAHAHALERT! Ha.Ha. Anyway here's a sneak peek. Enjoy. xxx Val.
S.E.R: So, Uncle, I ran out of questions so I asked people to write some on a piece of paper and put them in my cap and we're going to draw some out.
M: Have you read them?
S.E.R: Well, no, but I have an assistant now.
M: Has HE read them?
S.E.R: No, why?
M: Nevermind. Fire away.
S.E.R. Okay. This first question is from, er, anonymous: "Morrissey, you say people are happier with their own race, but I'm the same race as you, and if I had to pick a Steven I'd pick Steven Yeun. How do you explain that?"
M: Nobody is the same race as me.
S.E.R: Except me.
M: Well obviously. You're family.
S.E.R: I've known you all my life and we've all been Cretinians for as long as I can remember.
M: Yes, anyway. It's probably because I don't play guitar. That stupid question is obviously from Nile Marr.
S.E.R: Oh I HATE that guy!! AND his dad!!
S.E.R. Okay Uncle, this next question is from ...Anonymous, Victorville:"Morrissey: somebody on the internet recently said your nephew was your son. Does that mean you actually slept with your sister? lol"
M: To that I say...Can't Sisters Be Brothers?
S.E.R: Eh? Sorry Uncle, are you asking me?
That’s not bad at all. Good effort.A thread that everybody stopped reading once they got their interview...
They think it's all over...
But it is now!
Altrincham Adventures/ part 2
S.E.R: Uncle, you've been sitting in the garden for four days now. You sure you're O.K.?
M: I am perfectly allright, Nephew. I am simply trying to remember the name of this plant.
S.E.R: -That one there? That's easy, Uncle! It's a toolip.
M: A what?
S.E.R: A toolip.
M: ...No, I'm sure that's wrong. Say "Cool Whip"?
M: Why do you put so much emphasis on the H?
S.E.R: Well Uncle: I've noticed foreigners often drop theirs, so I'm saying mine extra good, that way people won't think I'm one and I won't fall off the boat when we're in St Tropez.
M:I gather you mean you don't want to drown in the Mediterranean like a migrant. But that's not where we're going this summer, Sam, remember?
S.E.R.Yes. God it's hot Uncle, don't you fancy an ice-cream?
M: As a matter of fact I do.That's why you're leaving for Sicily in 18 minutes.You're to find a good vegan gelateria there. But make sure you're back before sunset, I can't have pudding after dark.
S.E.R: Uncle, can I show you something on Uncle Central?
M: What's that? Looks like... a retouched smug-looking boomer...is stopping a defenceless little old lady from ...exercising freedom of speech...Interesting. I can feel a song coming. He must be an off-duty policeman...
S.E.R: No, that man is you, Uncle.
M: Really? Fascinating. What's the internet's reaction?
S.E.R: "Looks like the bereaved gay misogyn has found a new hobby: disrespecting old widows."
M: That doesn't sound very flattering.
S.E.R: No, Uncle, the little old lady is the Queen, so it makes it all okay, don't worry!
M: Right! I was worried this might make me look like a bully with zero sense of timing but I trust my Mother's grandson with my life.
S.E.R:...Who's that, then?
M: Sam. That ice-cream is getting cold.
S.E.R: Oh right, sorry Uncle! I'm off. Wait- Can you hear? Somebody's chanting outside. "It's coming home", Uncle!
M. What's coming home? 30 years of hurt?
S.E.R: Whatever it is, Uncle, it doesn't sound very supportive...Bye bye!