OPEN LETTER TO JESSE TOBIAS
When Mommy Steven and Daddy Johnny are argueing, why can't you remember that you're nothing but the old incontinent family hamster? If even that?
What, in your feeble hamster mind, makes you think you're able to understand what goes on between those two?
When even more evolved beings, like dogs (e.g.) abstain from commenting, there you are, ready with ready wheat, or what passes for it in Hamsterland. As you side with Mommy, what does your apple seed brain imagine? As you type on Hamstter, wetting your hamster pants with excitement? Hmm? That Mommy Steven will one day feel this passionate about you?
Mommy Steven doesn't even write to dogs, you cretinous cricetid!
This is the last straw. And you've peed on it.
Oh and, nobody listens to your songs.
edit: I would write an open letter to Fiona Dodwell, but who has the time to write letters to pee stains on Jesse's keyboard, really?
Morrissey?