Keeping It Inside

I feel like I am not living but just existing.

I feel so lonely sometimes.This illness has made me a worthless,nothing.I feel as if I lived my life just staring out the window watching the world go by.I`ve watched people living out their lives while I hid inside.

I`ve always lived inside my head....maybe too much.I have a hard time talking about how I feel inside to other people even in my own family.My mom always asks me how I`m doing.I just always say "I`m okay".Anyway these things are much easier for me to write down instead of saying out loud. I suppose that`s the reason I used to self injure so much.It was letting out all those feelings that were trapped inside of me.I guess it`s not good to keep all of that inside.

I hate what I`ve become.I sometimes don`t remember what I was like before I became ill.From what I`ve read and and heard this illness is for life and there`s no getting around it.I just don`t want to feel this way forever.

Comments

Tibby, you are NOT a "worthless nothing"! You can't help what's happened to you because of the illness. None of that is your fault. At the core of your being, you are a sweet and loving person who is compassionate and who has a lot to offer to friends and loved ones. You don't have a mean bone in your body. You don't lash out at people or unnecessarily hurt others. There is nothing wrong with you. It's the illness that puts those negative thoughts in your head. Again, something you cannot help. My hope for you is that one day you'll be able to see the beauty others see in you and enjoy life. You deserve it.

Much love,
Higgy
 
On my ride today I heard these lyrics and thought of you Tibby.


"You know if you had a wing
You'd be the last to know, you could fly
He strokes your hair to keep you down
Will you fight? Let's see you fight"
 
key words "used to" self-injure so much! that's a lot of progress, Tibby. how often do you get out of the house / apartment? it helps me to go for a walk most days, even if I don't want to. it's also good for one's health. walking for hours alone was good enough for Morrissey, it can be good enough for you! also: don't make me throw glitter at you :p


best,

s.
 
Higgy~Thanks so much for all your kind and encouraging comments.It really means a lot to me that you would say all those nice things about me.I don`t see much in myself but again than you for saying those things.I really would like to enjoy life one day.Thank you so much again Higgy and much love to you.You deserve good things too.

No1uno~Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on my blog.I`m touched that those lyrics made you think of me.I am trying and I`m fighting.Thanks again for thinking of me. :) :)

S.~Hi s. I tend to like to stay home but I get out every now and then.I think your idea is good and I think it would be good for me to go out and walk.Yeah you`re right if it was good enough for Morrissey it`s good enough for me lol :p :p Hey I love glitter. Thanks for your comments and suggestions s. The best to you too.

Tibbs
 

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Tibby
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