Disappointed

(Written in August 2015)

When people are toxic, I don't tell them, I just dismiss them and give them very little. It's not a problem to solve, It's not a relationship to manage, It's not a matter of duty. It's playing with fire and I just don't do that.

I am fiercely protective of my family and in increasingly social situations you have to decide who you allow in your circle. If you are negative, I don't want you having any influence in idea or mannerism for my children to see you as an acceptable example of how one can live.

You have to draw a line sometimes, for me that is the only way. And what do I lose with this candor, oh yeah, the toxic person who I don't want around anyway.

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(Written November 2015)

In September I was contacted (by email) by a rarely seen and much younger family member and I was asked if I could help them with their college fees. It was explained that a student loan had not arrived and they need books for courses. It was further explained that repayment would be made once the student loan arrived. I discussed this with my wife and we decided to help. We felt that we are fortunate and in a position to help and we have the money that they asked for. In conclusion to talking with my wife, we agreed that we have to assume the money will never be repayed but allow the family member to be the responsible person and fulfill their promise. Although they wanted actual money, I insisted on a list of the books and supplies needed, for which I ordered from the colleges bookstore. I had them sent to them. From the moment I hit order send, I thought to my self that this may be a defining moment for them to show the character of who they are. My wife and I even pre planned the response to make it a gift so they could put the student loan money in the bank as a cushion. They received the books as I received a delivery confirmation email from UPS.

After the purchase in September, I did not receive any communication from this family member. Much to what I expected in the first place, so I was not let down, it was only a confirmation of what I suspected.

I saw this family member last night during a thanksgiving celebration. People have different paths, some struggle, some find things easy, some need people to tell them things about themselves they don't want to hear.

I am not afraid to say the things that are truthful but uncomfortable for someone to hear. I've had my fair share of "life and how to live it" conversations directed at me and have no qualms about saying it to another. They cried and stormed out when I expressed my disappointment in their behavior. You know, sometimes people need to cry, when they hear the truth, it may be the only time have ever really listen. The sad part is, my wife and I want this person to have a good life. But your world will always become smaller and smaller when you treat people with a lack of respect and don't follow through with what you told them you were going to do.

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You decide what you will accept and what you won't. It is not about being cruel, it is about being loving and making an environment where people know where you stand by what you chose to get involved in. Drama is easy, having morals is hard.

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From what I read today on the forums today, it reminded me of someone.

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No1uno
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