Robert Neville
maladjusted
I’m Out Of This World
A house where the lights don’t go out
East from Industrial Hell
There’s more than life at stake
With yellow fog at the window, the room is full
Everyone in ill-fitting suits, cut priced crowd
The girls are all biceps, the boys are all chest
Shoulders formed but partially deformed
Exotic, erotic, neurotic
Nobody wants to be who they are
The biggest tarts since the mother of Solomon
Growing weary of dreary conversations
Sat around making each other happy
They’re bringing me their diseases
One with rosary across his knee
Slips me something and I feel strange
And I can only see in halves
Have I been lobotomised, castrated or has my brain been colonised?
Or have I had too much to drink by mistake
Talking to the pillow and now it’s talking back
“Well you can’t spell my last name without Evil”
Trying to remember that the thunder warned
Jesus only loves you when you’re losing
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I’m dying of shame
Hearing endless chatter from a distant room
So far removed
I hear distant chatter from an endless room
Never seen and never proved
Everybody’s talking I just wish they’d keep their counsel
There’s music coming from upstairs
The chords are submissive
But when I get there the room is empty
And I still don’t understand
My speech unravels and misses
Only strangeness makes sense
Everything is silent and out of reach
And I’m throwing marbles into a cup
Twenty in a row, hands applaud in thin air
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I’m dying of shame
All these shapes without any form
All these form with no shape
It was my life but I feel like I was late
There’s a flower in a forest about to bloom
A fire reigns down, the flower croons
Is this real or another endless abstraction
Are they real or a lucid distraction?
A heap of broken men and broken women
Broken images and they’re made of stone
And now there’s a crowd chanting my name in satanic verse
A man in the corner is turning into Judas
And the blood of the lamb can’t wash him clean
A friend forming a wall with no faces at all
Then they ask me for pity and I spit
In their faces, not in this city
And now they’re shouting at me “WE WILL BE REIMBURSED”
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I can’t find shame
They’re counting their love for each other with money
And they’re counting the money as sickness
An emerald ring and a crown and a king
The reflection blinded my sight
A rich man enters the room and places a camel on my back
A woman swims naked in the swimming pool in my dreams
I didn’t know then and I still don’t know what it means
And the floor is shaking and my head is pounding
Now from my depths I see the sullied water rise
All disease swimming beside me
And I’m drowning
An alarm rings and words on the page reverse
Weak fingers won’t and weak mind will not
Am I a martyr or did I go too far?
Fatal Fever, is it time?
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I can’t find shame
Stiff in a rented house, a dry brain for a dry season
There’s a joke and nervous laughter
About hidden power and winning hands
An echo from the past shouting treason
I came knocking at your door
I kneel at your feet with repentance and sickness
Like I was saved from the street
A cheap thrill is all I want
Suspicion tears at my sleepless mind
The thrill has gone, lets not linger on it
It was spoiled anyway
They are drugs, love bites and vomit
And the bad times linger on, dark clouds rumble in the sky
There is no silver lining
And you’ll see me glaring from the corners
Wanting failure, willing it on
It works and it doesn’t work
My spirit battered and bruised bludgeoned and sore
Collapsing on the floor
Like a child running in a burning room
Looking for a hidden door
Sometimes it gets cold in here
Is this sleep or am I just tired?
Of constantly needing and found wanting
I gave up on the world
It gave up on me first
Who made this world?
I’ve no idea
Who made the world?
I can’t tell
But I am here
And here is hell
A house where the lights don’t go out
East from Industrial Hell
There’s more than life at stake
With yellow fog at the window, the room is full
Everyone in ill-fitting suits, cut priced crowd
The girls are all biceps, the boys are all chest
Shoulders formed but partially deformed
Exotic, erotic, neurotic
Nobody wants to be who they are
The biggest tarts since the mother of Solomon
Growing weary of dreary conversations
Sat around making each other happy
They’re bringing me their diseases
One with rosary across his knee
Slips me something and I feel strange
And I can only see in halves
Have I been lobotomised, castrated or has my brain been colonised?
Or have I had too much to drink by mistake
Talking to the pillow and now it’s talking back
“Well you can’t spell my last name without Evil”
Trying to remember that the thunder warned
Jesus only loves you when you’re losing
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I’m dying of shame
Hearing endless chatter from a distant room
So far removed
I hear distant chatter from an endless room
Never seen and never proved
Everybody’s talking I just wish they’d keep their counsel
There’s music coming from upstairs
The chords are submissive
But when I get there the room is empty
And I still don’t understand
My speech unravels and misses
Only strangeness makes sense
Everything is silent and out of reach
And I’m throwing marbles into a cup
Twenty in a row, hands applaud in thin air
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I’m dying of shame
All these shapes without any form
All these form with no shape
It was my life but I feel like I was late
There’s a flower in a forest about to bloom
A fire reigns down, the flower croons
Is this real or another endless abstraction
Are they real or a lucid distraction?
A heap of broken men and broken women
Broken images and they’re made of stone
And now there’s a crowd chanting my name in satanic verse
A man in the corner is turning into Judas
And the blood of the lamb can’t wash him clean
A friend forming a wall with no faces at all
Then they ask me for pity and I spit
In their faces, not in this city
And now they’re shouting at me “WE WILL BE REIMBURSED”
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I can’t find shame
They’re counting their love for each other with money
And they’re counting the money as sickness
An emerald ring and a crown and a king
The reflection blinded my sight
A rich man enters the room and places a camel on my back
A woman swims naked in the swimming pool in my dreams
I didn’t know then and I still don’t know what it means
And the floor is shaking and my head is pounding
Now from my depths I see the sullied water rise
All disease swimming beside me
And I’m drowning
An alarm rings and words on the page reverse
Weak fingers won’t and weak mind will not
Am I a martyr or did I go too far?
Fatal Fever, is it time?
I’m out of this world
And I’m out of mind
And I’m cold
And I can’t find shame
Stiff in a rented house, a dry brain for a dry season
There’s a joke and nervous laughter
About hidden power and winning hands
An echo from the past shouting treason
I came knocking at your door
I kneel at your feet with repentance and sickness
Like I was saved from the street
A cheap thrill is all I want
Suspicion tears at my sleepless mind
The thrill has gone, lets not linger on it
It was spoiled anyway
They are drugs, love bites and vomit
And the bad times linger on, dark clouds rumble in the sky
There is no silver lining
And you’ll see me glaring from the corners
Wanting failure, willing it on
It works and it doesn’t work
My spirit battered and bruised bludgeoned and sore
Collapsing on the floor
Like a child running in a burning room
Looking for a hidden door
Sometimes it gets cold in here
Is this sleep or am I just tired?
Of constantly needing and found wanting
I gave up on the world
It gave up on me first
Who made this world?
I’ve no idea
Who made the world?
I can’t tell
But I am here
And here is hell