yes, just very busy at work, just moved a few weeks ago, meaning I had no internet here til today
oh yeah, and my entire life was in a holding pattern when I got a call from a Chinese hospital the day after my birthday
![Paranoid :paranoid: :paranoid:](https://cf.morrissey-solo.com/forums/images/smilies/noid.gif)
where I had some tests run after getting real sick with a stomach infection the week before, it went away after a few days, but then they called me the next week to tell me I was HIV positive
![Eek! :eek: :eek:](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
at that moment the whole world collapsed for me, except for this little voice that said,
this is China, they get shit wrong here all the time ![Cool :cool: :cool:](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7)
so I had more tests done and was in a kind of limbo til this Monday, I can honestly say that I had thought that I had all the major events
(other than having kids)
which can cause one to have epiphanies, totally re-examine one's life and what not
![Straightface :straightface: :straightface:](https://cf.morrissey-solo.com/forums/images/smilies/straightface.gif)
and sure enough, that little voice was right and the largely incompetent Chinese medical profession was wrong the first time
![Thumb :thumb: :thumb:](https://cf.morrissey-solo.com/forums/images/smilies/thumb.gif)
I suppose 50/50 aint bad though for a country really still more "third world" than "1st"
![Squiffy :squiffy: :squiffy:](https://cf.morrissey-solo.com/forums/images/smilies/squiffy.gif)
obviously I am relieved to not be stricken with what would likely amount to death sentence for me :nopity:
honestly, I unintentionally spent time on more than one occasion daydreaming about getting back in shape / "training" not in order to lengthen my life expectancy
with HIV
but so I could take some bastards with me
![Gun :gun: :gun:](https://cf.morrissey-solo.com/forums/images/smilies/gun.gif)
you know, make my death have some meaning
![Crazy :crazy: :crazy:](https://cf.morrissey-solo.com/forums/images/smilies/crazy.gif)
in my other free time I went the other way, reading the
Bardo Thodol, meditating, and thinking about making some much needed to trips to see some people at least one last time before I die
but poof, all that is gone now on a very real level, yet something lingers within me
I mean other than the feeling of being somehow "wronged" with having this happen? to me & the memories of 2 of the most unproductive weeks in my very busy life here in China
what it is I don't know, but I just feel my perspective has changed in a way that I get the sense is better than it was before this shit got dumped on me
hmm, maybe I should thanks those idiots for jerking me around like this
well, whatever, stuff to do, and were down 2 teachers this week at my work, so going in early....
update:
my flatmate got fired today