Dear Detritus,
Thank you for taking the time to respond to Mozambiguous' message. We have been busy lately, but I read your response out loud to him on Thursday afternoon after coitus and he mulled it over briefly before exhaling audibly and muttering: "that's... interesting". Raising an eyebrow, I sheepishly enquired whether he had any further comment to make about the post and he informed me: "Well she's completely wrong of course".
Although I've only been with Mozambiguous for three weeks I already know not to pester him with too many questions, but I put my neck on the line anyway and asked him: "Why is she wrong?" He looked at me coldly, sighed again, and stated: "because it's my opinion, and I don't have to defend my own opinion".
I backed down after that, but later in the day - after he had finished watching Peaky Blinders and Question Time - he was in a somewhat better mood and more willing to be open with me. We had a drink together, and that was when he revealed that he was being ironic with his praise for 'My Coo Ca Choo' and actually only considers it to be "an inoffensive novelty song". This seemed curious to me, so I asked him what his reasons had been for enthusing about it at length, and he said it was "to make a vital point".
Foolishly, I then spoke before thinking, and blurted out: "what point was that?" He didn't respond at first, but instead looked at me with a calm expression on his face for perhaps a minute or thereabouts before gesturing with his finger towards the point at the end of his cane, and asked me in a low, almost demonic voice: "do you see this?" I replied that I did, to which he remarked: "You'll know all about
this point in a minute then, if you don't stop bombarding me with questions". I got the message, and backed down again.
When he had calmed down and we resumed our conversation, Mozambiguous told me that while he doesn’t care for ‘My Coo Ca Choo’ he does like ‘Red Dress’ - and he also believes that Morrissey's decision not to pay tribute to Alvin Stardust was "Morrissey's greatest error in judgement since the time he cast shade at Robin Williams shortly after Robin's passing". That
was the greatest error anyway, he says, until the cancellation of the Lyon concert last night, which could prove to be “the biggest mistake of Morrissey’s life”.
As for your rebuke to the lines regarding Morrissey and his ‘mis-education’, Mozambiguous had this to say: “My post speaks for itself. A truly educated person - including the self-educated; formal education isn’t a requirement - would not make the sort of appalling comments that Morrissey has made; e.g. Utoya, Robin, the seals, Baby Banda. If he were still a semi-regular reader then he wouldn’t keep committing these howlers. Although there may be some deeper psychological issues at play here. Or maybe he's just a w@nker. I will make one concession to ‘Detritus’ though, Morrissey isn’t as much of an intellectual fraud as some of the people who regularly blight the Solo forums with their presence, that’s for sure. I’ll grant her that at least.”
Mozambiguous also wanted me to inform you, and this applies to everyone else as well, that unless you begin your message to him with “Dear Secretary”, then it won’t be read. I didn’t know about this rule, because I’m only the Temp! So when I read your post aloud to him, I shouldn’t have done so, because you didn’t adhere to the proper guidelines. But you’re new here like me, I think, so maybe you didn’t know. You can preface any future posts with “Dear Sookie” if you like, although she’s not here at the moment she’ll be back soon. Sookie is usually instructed to skip over any messages that don’t address her by name. Anybody who wants to get to Mozambiguous has to go through her first. She assesses the content of the post, and if it’s deemed worthy of Mozambiguous' attention, then she’ll notify him about it. That’s also my job at the present time, until she returns.
She’s currently on a paid vacation, the official party line is that she had a family emergency and that’s why she’s taking time off. However, word on the street is that she’s currently in the hospital undergoing gender re-assignment surgery. The rumour circulating is that she was born male, but she’s been living her life as a female for the past eight or nine years. I’m not sure how true it is, and I know I shouldn’t pay attention to speculation of this kind. Maybe it was supposed to be kept a secret, but I don’t care, I’ll be leaving here soon and starting a new job. Anyway, I love to gossip! Supposedly the ‘R’ in Sookie R. Wang stands for 'Reginald'.
Somebody else told me that her co-secretary Mary Anne is also transgendered, not that it matters or anything. However, I’m starting to believe that Mozambiguous thinks he’s Andy Warhol! He has a similar hairpiece too... at least I'm suspicious that it's a hairpiece. LOL I’m kidding! He’d kill me.
Anyhow, It’s after midnight now, and earlier this evening he told me he was going downtown to get a few CDs; to be honest though I wasn’t sure if he meant compact discs or cross-dressers. He’s a freak! but in a good way. At least I think so, because I’ve tried things with him over the past few weeks that I NEEEEEVER! would have thought were possible. I didn’t even know my legs bent that way….
The thing is: socially, and emotionally, he’s a closed book; as you might have realised. I still don’t even know where he’s from! I asked two or three times, until he warded me off with: “a crack on the head is what you’ll get if you keep asking”, so I don’t bring it up any more. He claims to be from Mozambique, but it seems to me that he’s far too pale to be from there. When I raised this concern, Mozambiguous told me: “What’s that got to do with anything? Al Bowlly was pale too”, which is fair enough I suppose. Maybe he is from Mozambique. But he is VERY! pale; so much so that one of his nicknames for himself is ‘The Wan King’ “Morrissey knows ALL about ‘The Wan King’ ”, he claims, and he’s always going on about his “alabaster charms” [which is from ‘Beyond the Valley of the Dolls’ apparently, look it up].
Personally, I don’t believe it’s appropriate for him to be talking like that, since his two secretaries aren’t of European descent, it’s insensitive. Then again, it’s difficult to know what his true opinions are, and when he’s being serious. Something tells me that he’s actually quite conservative at heart, but he pretends to be open-minded because it’s easier for him to manipulate people that way. I suppose that’s where the ‘ambiguous’ part of his name comes from, he’s not easily pinned down. Which is way I urge you, and everybody else, to be wary of him: don’t get on his wrong side. You can thank me later.
I trust that this reply was enlightening to you. Sorry if it wasn’t, it’s my first post! And probably my last. Remember everything I said, and please: be vigilant, don’t let your guard down. As for me, Mozambiguous is so good in the bedroom that I would forgive him for just about ANYTHING! So I'll be fine, don't worry about me. Just look after yourself, and keep writing: I thought your post was very well written, even if Mozambiguous doesn’t agree with me. You know, despite all of his talk about education, he doesn’t even have a degree! I probably shouldn’t have said that, but I’ll have finished working here before he gets a chance to read it, so it doesn’t matter. And when it comes to gossip… well I just can’t help myself!
Kindest regards,
The Temp-tress
Dear Benny,
Mozambiguous wanted to respond to you personally. Before I paste the short message that he wrote earlier, I just have to say, it’s great to finally meet you! I’ve heard a lot about you from him. This is what he told me: “Now here's the story 'bout Benny the Butcher/ that man is a red-hot hoochie coocher”, and so much more besides! Anyway, here’s Mozambiguous, so long.
"
Thanks Benny for your kind comments. Mozambiguous here. The way to look at it is: somebody has to keep this website afloat during BrummieBoy’s absence. It seems right now that you and I are the only ones picking up the slack. We can’t exactly rely on anybody else can we? And we also can’t allow the pro-Morrissey side to gain dominance. I’ve heard that BrummieBoy has gone ‘mute’ again, and may be back in the monastery. We can only pray that it’s not a permanent arrangement, as he’s obviously the most gifted writer to ever grace these forums.
In the meantime we’ll continue to keep our heel on Morrissey’s throat. Each time he errs, he won’t be shown any mercy. I’m tired of being lenient with him. The tour was progressing nicely until the inevitable occurred. This Lyon business is ridiculous isn’t it? I’m glad I didn’t waste any of my money on the tour. The Abominable Snowman would be more likely to show up than him, with Bigfoot and the Highgate Vampire on backing vocals.
I might purchase another ticket for one of his concerts when he issues a public apology for all the times that he’s cancelled. When pigs fly….
Keep doing what you do best Benny, many of us appreciate it.
Yours truly,
Johnny Dollar
P.S. Below is a never before seen video of one of the BrummieBoy Massive’s private board meetings, featuring me, Benny, BB, and an unidentified member. For old time’s sake. LOLOLOLOL!!"
[video=youtube;5fc52FlDAm0]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fc52FlDAm0[/video]
“
When we played our charade
We were like children posing
Playing at games, acting out names
Guessing the parts we played”
[video=youtube;ZO62upvOkiQ]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZO62upvOkiQ[/video][/QUOT
It's been a great honour to get a response for all my hard work on here, thankyou very much.
Let it be known I shall continue to keep my heel on his throat.
BrummieBoy ! Bloody hell ! I miss him.
Benny-the-British-Butcher
