The Drivel Thread

[Light Housework]

“He said the best thing you can do is be yourself. The best thing you can do is just, be yourself.” Oh but not if you’ve been traumatized. “Shove it in your mouth. Open wide. One more spoonful. There’s a good boy."

 

[Mimi Ramone]

No, you aren't a taboo and that's not what I meant. But describing in detail how you were raped, when you were 12 is a hefty thing just to read in between on a public forum dedicated to an entirely different topic. This has nothing to do with devalidation of your feelings or experiences, it's just that I don't think it's healthy. It's something deeply private and you tell it to complete strangers on the internet, not knowing what they make of it, that's why I respectfully asked you to reconsider or think about that perspective too. I'm sorry about the term, it's what it's called and maybe it's not the right word for it and I should have paraphrased it. This has also has nothing to do with venting or telling stories about your life, which is totally fine.

 

[Light Housework]

No, you aren't a taboo and that's not what I meant. But describing in detail how you were raped, when you were 12 is a hefty thing just to read in between on a public forum dedicated to an entirely different topic. This has nothing to do with devalidation of your feelings or experiences, it's just that I don't think it's healthy. It's something deeply private and you tell it to complete strangers on the internet, not knowing what they make of it, that's why I respectfully asked you to reconsider or think about that perspective too. I'm sorry about the term, it's what it's called and maybe it's not the right word for it and I should have paraphrased it. This has also has nothing to do with venting or telling stories about your life, which is totally fine.

Having trauma be "deeply private" is what facilitates abusers. Making it public stops them. They count on their victims keeping it to themselves out of shame.

 

[Light Housework]

Slaughterhouses are “deeply private” within themselves.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

No, when you speak about it so cavalierly, it trivializes it, makes it seem like it ain't no Thang. ALSO NOT TO MENTION they're all schizophrenic delusions like everything else that comes out of your diseased gob.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

Like, I've read so many horror stories (read: fantasies/delusions) here, if someone in real life told me they were raped when they were twelve I probably wouldn't even blink.

 

[Redacted]

I’ll think about what you’ve said, but I’m tired of being shuffled off out of ‘polite’ company.

You have outlets for your issues. You have mental health workers who visit you and I guess some therapists and a psychiatrist.
LH, this discussion about your wildly inappropriate posts has been going on for years and has alienated many people, some so much that they have left the site.
It is not really about being polite, but about exposing people to your emotional burdens that are yours to deal with and you seem to have sufficient support in real life to do so.
You have written the same stories ad nauseam, made videos about them, made vocaroos about them, for literal years.
People who have believed and defended you have come to regret it and I suppose the same thing will happen all over again and the good will you have built up, which has enabled you to turn this thread into a place for people to visit and chat, will once again just be empty with you begging for attention and company because you are so lonely.
You have even said people in real life do not want to discuss this with you, so stop forcing it or people will respond accordingly.
In the United States we have crisis hotlines people can call where they can discuss things like this whenever they want, there must be the same thing where you are.

 

[Redacted]

No, you aren't a taboo and that's not what I meant. But describing in detail how you were raped, when you were 12 is a hefty thing just to read in between on a public forum dedicated to an entirely different topic. This has nothing to do with devalidation of your feelings or experiences, it's just that I don't think it's healthy. It's something deeply private and you tell it to complete strangers on the internet, not knowing what they make of it, that's why I respectfully asked you to reconsider or think about that perspective too. I'm sorry about the term, it's what it's called and maybe it's not the right word for it and I should have paraphrased it. This has also has nothing to do with venting or telling stories about your life, which is totally fine.

Mimi, you haven't done anything wrong, this has been an issue for a very long time.

 

[Light Housework]

You have outlets for your issues. You have mental health workers who visit you and I guess some therapists and a psychiatrist.
LH, this discussion about your wildly inappropriate posts has been going on for years and has alienated many people, some so much that they have left the site.
It is not really about being polite, but about exposing people to your emotional burdens that are yours to deal with and you seem to have sufficient support in real life to do so.
You have written the same stories ad nauseam, made videos about them, made vocaroos about them, for literal years.
People who have believed and defended you have come to regret it and I suppose the same thing will happen all over again and the good will you have built up, which has enabled you to turn this thread into a place for people to visit and chat, will once again just be empty with you begging for attention and company because you are so lonely.
You have even said people in real life do not want to discuss this with you, so stop forcing it or people will respond accordingly.
In the United States we have crisis hotlines people can call where they can discuss things like this whenever they want, there must be the same thing where you are.

I wouldn’t want to smear my lovely career, so I’ll just say what’s acceptable to people. Nah, I don’t think so. David Tseng hasn’t complained to me. It’s his site.

 

[Light Housework]

I’m silent enough without silencing myself on a site dedicated to a bigmouth.

 

[Was I ever any good]

Woke up yesterday,put my t-shirt on back to front. Got ready to go out,put my dress on back to front.
The other night I had a dream that Rick Witter was my best friend and he absolutely adored me. The next night I had a dream that Morrissey had opened a crèche for parents with kids attending his gigs. Analyse that?

I think you need to get better lighting in your bedroom

 

[Redacted]

I wouldn’t want to smear my lovely career, so I’ll just say what’s acceptable to people. Nah, I don’t think so. David Tseng hasn’t complained to me. It’s his site.

Your choice, you can go back to being a pariah.

 

[Light Housework]

Had my heart test and was told it's all good. My doctor just wanted to make sure my lung pain isn't being mistaken for heart pain. I'm happier than ever, though I don't look it in this selfie. No lung pain so far today. I have Won't Settle playing in my head.

 

[Light Housework]

I took a taxi to the heart clinic, and after I paid the driver, I said if you ever get bored with that music (sounded like religious Middle Eastern music), this is my favourite music; Morrissey, and peeled off a sticky note for him. He asked if it was on YouTube and seemed glad when I said it is. I gave one to a bus driver on my way home, and a fellow transit rider, oh and I gave one to the man who did my heart exam, and showed him a photo of the Morrissey At Grantley Hall portrait. He thought Morrissey was a woman, because of the ball cap being pushed back so far it looks like a bonnet. I’m so glad my lung’s not been hurting today so far, and it’s nearly noon. I’m stoked too, that the portrait came out to my liking. Sure it lacks a professionalism, but I like it just the same. Maybe professionalism will creep into my work over time. I wouldn’t want to sacrifice sensitivity for professionalism though, so if I have to choose, it will be sensitivity when it comes to painting, but if I don’t get too ill and die soon, maybe I will grow into a pro sensitively. Maybe I will never be a pro. Won’t Settle resumes playing in my head. Thank you Morrissey, for being a loving man. You have inspired me greatly. I think I’m becoming a loving woman. I’d like to introduce you to my counsellor. You’d both be thrilled, I know. She has a happy and gorgeous cat you’d like too. So far I’ve only had Zoom sessions with her. You could sit in on one. It would be so fun for all of us. I know it’ll probably never happen, but with you, it’s possible. Remotely, but remotely is better than impossible, so I’ll take it.

 

[Packof20No10s]

I think you need to get better lighting in your bedroom

Getting old when I cannot see the labels but I am just imagining the labels. God knows what else I imagine I am doing correctly but I just aren't.
God...even I don't know what I am doing writing this here. When the f##k did that happen.
What...I am just taking the dog for a walk.
Except my little girl Jack Russell died aged 16 in September 22.

 

[Packof20No10s]

I took a taxi to the heart clinic, and after I paid the driver, I said if you ever get bored with that music (sounded like religious Middle Eastern music), this is my favourite music; Morrissey, and peeled off a sticky note for him. He asked if it was on YouTube and seemed glad when I said it is. I gave one to a bus driver on my way home, and a fellow transit rider, oh and I gave one to the man who did my heart exam, and showed him a photo of the Morrissey At Grantley Hall portrait. He thought Morrissey was a woman, because of the ball cap being pushed back so far it looks like a bonnet. I’m so glad my lung’s not been hurting today so far, and it’s nearly noon. I’m stoked too, that the portrait came out to my liking. Sure it lacks a professionalism, but I like it just the same. Maybe professionalism will creep into my work over time. I wouldn’t want to sacrifice sensitivity for professionalism though, so if I have to choose, it will be sensitivity when it comes to painting, but if I don’t get too ill and die soon, maybe I will grow into a pro sensitively. Maybe I will never be a pro. Won’t Settle resumes playing in my head. Thank you Morrissey, for being a loving man. You have inspired me greatly. I think I’m becoming a loving woman. I’d like to introduce you to my counsellor. You’d both be thrilled, I know. She has a happy and gorgeous cat you’d like too. So far I’ve only had Zoom sessions with her. You could sit in on one. It would be so fun for all of us. I know it’ll probably never happen, but with you, it’s possible. Remotely, but remotely is better than impossible, so I’ll take it.

Don't come here often but you sound very poorly. But very brave.

 

[Packof20No10s]

Don't come here often but you sound very poorly. But very brave.

And I would talk about Morrissey all day. It should be the law.

 

[Light Housework]

Rattle coughing. If it doesn’t stop soon, I may not take my regular walk today. I feel fine generally, except in my right lung, which feels disgusting. Going to lie down for an hour or so, hoping this bout will be over soon, because it’s really gross feeling, ominous. I can’t imagine heading out for a walk feeling like this. In an hour and a half, if it’s still plaguing me, I will try to go for the walk in spite of the distress of my right lung. I think people will know there’s something badly wrong though. I wish this bout would stop. It doesn’t currently feel like it will. I feel I am a condemned woman. I don’t think I would bother tonight to begin a new painting, if I feel like this. At least I’m not nauseous. It’s just very annoying. The message I get from it is that I don’t have much time left to get my life in order. At least I can still breathe deeply. It’s not like I’m out of breath. It just feels like a slimy sludge is stuck to the inner walls of my right lung, and is slowly eating it and growing. Because that is exactly what is happening. It’s 5:21PM now. I’ll lie down until 7PM and reassess. I don’t know why, it recedes at times and then rears its ugly head again, over and over. I do know it’s a mold infection, though it hasn’t been successfully detected medically yet. My doctor said she would try to find a way to expedite me getting the blood test for mold antibodies to get me on antifungal treatment. I will call and make another appointment with her on Monday, to remind her of what I’m going through and to see if she’s come up with any ideas. Funny how I felt pretty good earlier today, and then,…sludge city, with a washboard cough. I haven’t mentioned one detail that’s been accompanying the coughing, because I’m sparing anyone who reads this from it. Mucus. There, I’ve said it. The infection, when it’s acting up, produces mucus. At least it doesn’t smell strongly, to anyone else. At times I can smell the mold infection coming out in my exhalation through my nostrils, but it’s not a strong smell. But I don’t know the horrors that are up ahead. Anyway, going to lie down now, without my laptop, and set my alarm for 7PM and hopefully go for a walk and enjoy it, for the most part, in my legs at least, and in general, apart from the sick feeling in my right lung. I wish this were fiction. No. I wouldn’t want to be guilty of pretending this. Maybe if I were acting in a play or something, fine, but not in real life. I’ve been very real here in this thread and on this website in general, however bizarre it seems. I said only one thing during a psychosis a few years ago, that I reread when I snapped out of it, and I asked a moderator to delete it, and it was deleted promptly. What I had said wasn’t true, I knew, when I became sane again. I won’t repeat what I had said that wasn’t true. Everything else, is still in the archives, and I’ve reread most, if not all of it, and everything I reread checks out to me as true, no matter how unbelievable to other people.

 

[Light Housework]

It’s just past 7PM and it’s sunny while raining outside my window, but I’m not feeling up to going for a walk in it. Maybe I’ll do a double walk tomorrow. I’ve stopped coughing but feel too lousy to go out and face people, in my chest. Maybe I’ll start a new painting tonight, if I feel better then.

 

[Light Housework]

Power outage tonight, so it's just candles and mobile data, pen on paper, an ebook on my laptop, and when the battery runs out, bed.