"This Struggling Waitress Received a Life-Changing Tip From Morrissey..." - The Hard Times (parody)

Pretty dumb Morrissey parody article

This Struggling Waitress Received a Life-Changing Tip From Morrissey and Now Wants to Die - The Hard Times
September 29, 2016 Culture, Hard Style

Excerpt:

Oh boy, looks like Morrissey is making headlines again.

We all know that from time to time celebrities will leave a big, life-changing tip for their waitperson that inevitably finds its way to social media. But this past Sunday at Echo Park’s Jupiter Café, Morrissey, the often-shirtless former lead singer of The Smiths, gave a tip to struggling 23-year-old waitress Allie Paige that will almost certainly ruin her life forever.

According to Allie’s numerous social media posts, the morning rush was finally slowing down when Morrissey entered the café and sat in her section. It had been a fast-paced and upbeat morning at Jupiter, but suddenly it seemed like a dark cloud rolled into the café.

 

[countthree]

Is that a stock photo? She looks like she is struggling with her hair.

She lost the battle

 

[Calamine Lotion]

The best thing about this is people wondering if it really happened. The second best thing is the ratings.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

no, the best thing abous this is being informed by some backwater hick what the best thing about this is.

 

[marred]

Anyone seen a post yet from this wanker called Biebs yet? All he seems to do is rate posts redundant or off topic. He doesn't seem to have been given the gift of words.

 

[evennow]

Anyone seen a post yet from this wanker called Biebs yet? All he seems to do is rate posts redundant or off topic. He doesn't seem to have been given the gift of words.

Biebs is anon poster id# 743... The one currently going at Surface. He posts as an anon and then thumbs up his own posts as Biebs. Now that we know this he has stopped rating Surface's posts troll or likewise. I'm not sure if you can establish multiple registered user names using the same IP address. If so, he will be like ISIS popping up under different faces and names to terrorize this site.

I like the ability to put emojis into posts, but all the negative rating options seems to be like leaving the gun case unlocked when there is an eight year old in the house. Good old fashioned thumbs up or down work for me. But WTFDIK

 

[marred]

Biebs is anon poster id# 743... The one currently going at Surface. He posts as an anon and then thumbs up his own posts as Biebs. Now that we know this he has stopped rating Surface's posts troll or likewise. I'm not sure if you can establish multiple registered user names using the same IP address. If so, he will be like ISIS popping up under different faces and names to terrorize this site.

I like the ability to put emojis into posts, but all the negative rating options seems to be like leaving the gun case unlocked when there is an eight year old in the house. Good old fashioned thumbs up or down work for me. But WTFDIK

Thanks for the info. I've never kept track of the anonymous #number. I agree with you on the case of the negative emojis, but at least it points out to us who the 8 year olds are

 

[nicky wire's legs]

i bet biebs is calamine lotion. i doubt if calamine lotion has ever received one single negative vote from biebs, and not only that but the name biebs reeks of c-los cheesy, pop-culture referencing sense of humour.

 

[Quando quando quando]

i bet biebs is calamine lotion. i doubt if calamine lotion has ever received one single negative vote from biebs, and not only that but the name biebs reeks of c-los cheesy, pop-culture referencing sense of humour.

You must be joking!?
Really, I would never guessed that.
But I guess I am a very naive guy.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

You must be joking!?
Really, I would never guessed that.
But I guess I am a very naive guy.

welllll there's a good chance it isnt c-lo, but im not willing to discount the idea just yet! also both biebs and calamine lotion have the "needless hostility" thing going for them. so, you never know!

 

[Quando quando quando]

welllll there's a good chance it isnt c-lo, but im not willing to discount the idea just yet! also both biebs and calamine lotion have the "needless hostility" thing going for them. so, you never know!

We'll never know.
I now consider it like a kind of "natural" annoying thing.
Like bad weather. Annoying but not life threatening.

 

[Calamine Lotion]

That moment when you view ignored posts and realize they're talking about you in the thread.

Spoiler

"I don't give a f*** what you think, bitch"

 

[Anonymous]

That moment when you view ignored posts and realize they're talking about you in the thread.

Spoiler

"I don't give a f*** what you think, bitch"

Good answer

 

[nicky wire's legs]

i hope you noticed the hick comment! that was about you too. i think i've pretty much got you pegged at this point.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

We'll never know.
I now consider it like a kind of "natural" annoying thing.
Like bad weather. Annoying but not life threatening.

good perspective!

 

[Calamine Lotion]

i hope you noticed the hick comment! that was about you too. i think i've pretty much got you pegged at this point.

Yes, I noticed you. You're a desperate attention whore, and anyone that posts here can't really avoid noticing you. I don't come here for this, especially in this section of the site. If you really want my attention make a thread in the pigsty with all your theories and when I get really bored I'll come there and abuse you once in a while.

 

[nicky wire's legs]

Yes, I noticed you. You're a desperate attention whore, and anyone that posts here can't really avoid noticing you. I don't come here for this, especially in this section of the site. If you really want my attention make a thread in the pigsty with all your theories and when I get really bored I'll come there and abuse you once in a while.

yes, yes, but the important thing is do you think morrissey has noticed?! notice me, morrissey! im soooo smart! look i have a picture of a bunny! and i quote people, lots and lots of people. just off the top of my head, just like that. impressive, right? and um... oh look! i have one of your quotes in my signature. im not a dizzy whore, though, i promise. i really like that song, though! um what else.... i loooooooveeee youuuuuuu. also, i really like your nose. it's held up so well, you know, because usually peoples noses flatten when they age, but yours still has that lovely little uptilt to it. very sassy! oh i wish i hadnt said that... i never use the word sassy.... god what an awful word..... hmm, what else... oh did you hear about the dream i had about you? it was compelling! no, no it wasnt dirty. it was more psychological, but i've yet to figure out what it means. get a load of that calamine_lotion, would you? can you believe he actually thinks i care about attention from him? god, why it's only you i care about, love bug. why else would i come here? oh dear, looks like im being called away. sorry, love. will talk later! callllll meeeeeeeeeeee

 

[Anonymous]

Every time I come here I see this mean spirited and dumb bully girl attacking someone for no reason. Quite tired of this unfunny asshole stinking up the place.

 

[Quando quando quando]

Every time I come here I see this mean spirited and dumb bully girl attacking someone for no reason. Quite tired of this unfunny asshole stinking up the place.

If you are referring to Rifke, she has never attacked me, as a matter a fact, no one here has.
I think people misjudge her.
They take things very personally, too personal, while she only plays with language and her remarks are not to insult or to bully.
I can understand sensitivities and why people feel they are bullied but I know for sure this is not her intention.

I know her posts can be biting and sarcastic but you can't say she is dishonest. And she is very open about anything that is occupying her mind and her life.

 

[countthree]

If you are referring to Rifke, she has never attacked me, as a matter a fact, no one here has.
I think people misjudge her.
They take things very personally, too personal, while she only plays with language and her remarks are not to insult or to bully.
I can understand sensitivities and why people feel they are bullied but I know for sure this is not her intention.

I know her posts can be biting and sarcastic but you can't say she is dishonest. And she is very open about anything that is occupying her mind and her life.

Agree. She is funny. She hits the mark, and I confess her sincerity sometimes makes me think about the stupid things I usually say here, but I don't care because nobody knows me. She is right most of the time and her parodies are accurate. Touchée.

 

[Anonymous]

Quando Quando Quando: "Oh but Rifke is nice to me so therefore she is nice!"

Countthree: "Rifke is nice because she likes Morrissey almost as much as I do. Because only the people who criticize Morrissey are haters and evil bullies, not the people who actually bully people."