well i wouldn't be worried anyway. my immune system is something of a marvel (other than that time I got corona virus or whatever it was). you know whats odd, something ive noticed? because of my acid reflux my breathing is sometimes not so great, like it will feel like I cant get a deep breath in. but I feel like it's more of a stomach problem than a lung problem, like my insides sort of feel out of sync and I know that acid reflux can cause the diaphragm to spasm and that's what ive always attributed it to. but anyway, I notice that every time I get a cold, rather than my breathing becoming worse, it gets better. that's the only time I never seem to have any issues breathing. I wonder why that is?
anyway, ive already moved, pep pep! yes, it feels good to be out of the hostel. the hostel wasn't so bad though. I felt secure there, quite strangely. I feel a bit weird in my new place. I find that I have this fear that im doing something wrong, that they don't like--like not taking off my shoes at the entrance and putting them in the closet where everyone else puts theres (simply because I dont want to, I like putting them in my room)-- and they're not gonna tell me, and instead they're just going to hate having me live here. i don't know why I think like that. because I don't do anything wrong. im the least obnoxious, annoying person ever, a dream of a tenant. intellectually i know this, but I cant help feeling like im doing something wrong all the time. i think this might be some ingrained thing from when i lived with my dad. any tiny thing, like leaving bread crumsbs on the counter, was an unforgiveable sin, indicative of some deep congenital wrongness. and it's hard too, because I don't know what level of interaction they expect of me. because I don't go upstairs to use the kitchen are they going to think im unfriendly and hostile (even though I AM friendly when I see them)? or are they going to prefer that I keep to myself? the man is really nice though. every time I see him I think "what a nice man". and he's really good with his kids. his little boy is cute, he reminds me of me when i was little, crying over everything and thinking he can live on chocolate. it does feel nice, though, after being in hostels and make shift accomodations for so long to finally have somewhere to hang my towel and to put my toothbrush, etc. and also to know that im not going to come home to the house reeking of pot or gasoline.
well, pep pep, may you have continued luck with your delivery slots, and continued replenishment of your tinned tomatoes! god, I wish they would just invent a vaccine already. I feel like only then will this nightmare truly be over.